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  • adjaynes

So, your partner had an affair... now what?

Updated: Jun 22, 2023


A woman's face is reflected in the sunset as she looks out a window
Nothing makes sense

The discovery of a partner's betrayal can shake us to our core. Suddenly your whole world has stopped making sense, nothing feels safe or certain, and you have to continue to function: working, taking care of children, and meeting obligations. It's nearly impossible to accomplish one task. What do you do now?

  1. Prioritize Self-Care: Sleep and eat when you can. It can be hard in times like these, but it's important to meet your basic needs. Exercise and move your body to help with the stress response and clear your head a bit. Consider engaging with an individual therapist for support as you navigate these uncertain times.

  2. Consider the sources of your support carefully. Everyone needs their support network and people in their corner; however, sometimes our support network is so reactive to news like this that we end up feeling more alone.

  3. Remember, as best you can, that you will not always feel this much. It will not always be this overwhelming. You will find your way through this. This does not always mean the end of the relationship.

  4. It's important to know the scope of what has occurred. You need that information to be able to process and understand how we got here. However, learning all of the details can backfire. It can be impossible to erase pixels from your brain once they are implanted. Try to remember this as you ask questions and seek information.

  5. If you would like to work on the relationship, you and your partner can begin working with a therapist who is specifically trained in helping couples recover from betrayal. A skilled marriage counselor can help you and your partner re-establish trust and safety.

While most couples find that the relationship they had before the affair is over, couples who do the hard work of repairing often find that they have a better, stronger relationship on the other side of this crisis. Our EFT-trained therapists are all experienced in leading couples through this journey. Let us know if we can help you.

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