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Say what you feel? Or feel what you say?


At least once a week, an amazing thing happens in our Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples' sessions. Someone will describe an emotional experience-- let's say an argument with their partner -- but the emotion of their words isn't reflected in their body language, vocal cues, or any other observable way. When we ask these people where they feel those emotions, they often can't identify any sensations in their body. It's a pattern long-observed in psychology and reflected in this recent study.


In this case, we might slow them down, ask them to repeat the important part of the story, draw attention to the emotional content of their words, or reflect the relational meaning of their words. We aren't just being repetitive-- we've found that using these interventions helps people not just say what they feel, but also FEEL what they say.


Their voice might crack. Sometimes we see tears. Whatever the sign, the felt sense of their experience becomes tangible and embodied. This is where real change occurs! When our emotions come alive in session (just like they do at home), it's an opportunity to create change for the client!


Do you usually yell when you're angry? Shut down and get quiet when you're feeling vulnerable or ashamed? Allowing yourself to feel these embodied emotions in session gives you a chance to do something different. Our EFT-Trained Therapists can help you slow down, feel what you are saying, share that felt experience with your partner, and create new communication patterns in your relationship.


EFT is an experiential therapy that creates deep change for individuals, couples, and families. Don't be afraid to let yourself feel what you say in session and with your partner-- it's where the magic happens!






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